A Pastor's Ponderings

Sideline Society

2009-06-23T14:53:00.003-06:00

OK, so I'm hearing and seeing all this news about a family in collapse and I'm wondering what makes it so different from any other family that melts down. I mean, I understand that they have 8 kids. But, some High School friends of mine were from a family of 10 and their parents seemed to do OK. I get the fact that they've had cameras shoved in their faces for the past several years. But whose fault is that? I understand that trying to raise that large of a family, especially when they are all mostly the same age (and young) has got to be a strain. But what merits the media coverage Jon and Kate are getting today?

Especially when there is flaring unrest in Iran. Not to mention a fatal train crash in DC. I guess I just don't get it. Why do we, as a country, seem to be so fixated on watching other people experience life while we sit insulated and isolated in our sealed-up homes? I'll admit that there are several shows that we have our DVR programmed to record. I don't miss them. I'll stay up late to make sure I see how one episode ends so that I won't be confused next week. So, I guess I'm as guilty as everyone else.

But, the question still stands. Why do we do it? Wouldn't life be more interesting if we'd just get off our backsides and live it? What could I do if instead of watching Alaskan crab fishing for an hour, I went out for a run with my dog? What could I accomplish if, instead of watching one of umpteen different shows about Crime Scene Investigation or Naval Criminal... I was working on one of the book ideas that is crowding my head, or simply sitting down and playing a game with my kids?

What makes us so voyeuristic?

I wish I had an answer. But I think it's the same thing that causes us to go to church and learn about God when we could be out experiencing God in the world. Don't get me wrong, I'm all in favor of going to church. Heck, my livelihood depends on it remaining an important part of many people's lives. But, all-to-often, it stops at church. Our impact never reaches beyond our own front doors. Our faith doesn't seep into the majority of our lives, but rather sits in it's isolated Sunday and Wednesday pockets, which are hermetically sealed against contaminating the rest of the world.

We hold God, like reality TV stars, at arms length. We enjoy watching what's going on, but are afraid of what the bright lights of attention might expose in our lives. It happened to one TV family. Why couldn't, why wouldn't it happen to us?

I pray that something good will come out of the tragedy that has gripped the headlines today. Maybe someone will realize that kids don't fix the holes in our lives, nor do our spouses. The only way to fill those holes, that emptiness, is to confront the brokenness in each of us. I believe that there exists in each of us a "true self" (if you will.) A true self that is the image of God. An image in which each one of us comes into being. Only when we begin to understand that we don't find some magical Garden of Eden that exists outside of ourselves, but rather a mystical, still, small voice that calls to us to encounter God in all our nakedness and brokenness.

My wife does not complete me, nor do my children, nor do my athletic endeavours, nor my job. I am only complete when I find myself, broken, incomplete and vulnerable: and yet loved by God. In the mean time, I believe I'll chose to live my life: not as a voyeur but as an active participant. I probably won't ever make the national headlines. Frankly, I'm OK with that...

Losing a friend.

2009-06-09T07:52:00.007-06:00

I know for some people it may be hard to understand why I'm having so much trouble saying goodbye to a dog. After all that's all Dakota is, right?

Maybe, but I don't think so.

Jennie and I found Dakota at the Humane Society in Lebanon, Missouri in the late fall of 1998, right after we bought our first house. I vividly remember seeing him in a pen with a bunch of other young puppies. They were all yapping and clamoring at the door, but not 'Kota. He simply sat quietly in the midst of all the commotion and waited. I knew he was the one right away.

Several months later, I remember helping the lady who lived across from the radio station where I worked (KJEL) load her injured malamute into the back of her SUV after he had been hit by a car. I sped home after work that night and went straight to the back yard to hug my puppy.

Since Dakota we've rescued 2 more dogs, Patch and Evie. And one cat, Chalice. They are all part of the family, but none to the extent (at least for me) as Dakota. In many ways he is my oldest child and dearest companion. Though he would never hurt a flea (especially if it was on a hardwood floor, more to that story in a moment) his dark fur and Rottweiler-escue markings, coupled with his deep throaty "woof" helped me feel comfortable to leave my family at home when I had to leave early in the morning to go to seminary, or to a retreat or seminar. I knew with Dakota around, everyone would be safe.

When he was a young and precosious puppy Dakota decided that I wasn't paying enough attention to him. So, he decided to exploit a small tear in the vinyl flooring in our kitchen/dining area. After a chastizement, and with the help of a dear friend (of the human variety) I replaced the torn flooring with laminate. Whether it was either that he knew the change was as a result of something he did, or because he didn't like the sound of his toenails on the floor, we'll never know; but Dakota never wanted to cross a hardwood floor again. With his hips going recently he wouldn't even cross the couple of feet of vinyl it would take to get from the front room to our bedroom. Rather he prefered to keep watch outside the kid's rooms. I like to think he was just tyring to keep them safe.

Now, almost 11 years after that first day we met in the Humane Society, almost all of the spark has drained from his eyes. He can't hardly get up the stairs into the house anymore, and in the morning he essentially falls down those same steps to get back into the yard. It's hard to watch someone (yes, I said someone) you love get older and less able to do the things they once did. And, I know that it is my responsibility as a pet owner to put his health and wellness before my own needs, wants and desires. But, that doesn't make it any easier.

You might think that having been with families as they have grieved the death, sometimes sudden and tragic, of their loved ones would make it easier to deal with the death of a "mere" dog. Well, at least in my case you'd be wrong. Sure, I've had grandparents, friends and classmates die. But never anyone to whom I have been as close as I am to Dakota. I'm not sure what that says about me, or my ability to form lasting friendships. And, right now, I'm not sure I care. I know it's time. I can't make him suffer anymore for my own selfish needs. But it still hurts like hell. (And, yes, I said it.)

So, if you see me blubbering uncontrollably over the next few days, or weeks, you know why. It's because I miss my buddy.

So long, my friend. You've been wonderful to me, and I can only pray that I have learned from you some of the important lessons about loyalty, love, and life that you've tried to teach me over the years.

New desk, same mess

2009-02-10T13:18:00.002-06:00

So, I was given a very generous gift of a nice oak computer desk. I was able to pick it up last Thursday. Now, several days latter, it is just as much of a mess as my old desk was less than a week ago.

Why is it so stinking hard to keep the flat surface on which one works, clean?

After all, it's not like I use a lot of paper in what I do. It's not as though I don't have enough time in the day to clean off this perpetual paper-catcher.

So why is it a mess? Someone? Anyone?

Help!

The Shack

2009-01-27T11:05:00.002-06:00

OMG!

What an amazing book. William Young deals with one of (what I believe to be) the largest issues facing most folks today- theodicy. OK, that's a big word that I really ought to "explain." Basically theodicy is asking the question of "If God is good, then how come there is so much evil in the world." Or, alternately, "Why do bad things happen to good people."

I think it's something that almost everyone I know deals with at some level. It's why some people are de-churched, having been hurt by established religion. It's why others have no desire to get to know God, especially when the God they've heard about is one that damns people to hell for breaking rules.

Before I fully jump on my soap-box, please read this book. Whatever your religious background or lack thereof, what-ever your take on God, whether you even believe that there is something bigger than all of us, you should take the few hours it's going to take to read this book. It might just change the way you look at the world. I know it's changing the way I do.

I'd be glad to let local friends borrow a copy, when I get them bought. I'll be buying a few to have on-hand and a few to give away. It's that important of a book. Really.

Resolution time!

2009-01-06T15:09:00.002-06:00

Ahh, it's that time of year again. Some folks think it's important to have your resolutions decided upon by the time the new year starts. Thank goodness I'm not one of them. This year I have several different types of resolutions. I'll do my best to categorize them as I go.

Physical Health:
Run 750 miles
Bike 1000 miles
Swim 75,000 meters
Be able to do 100 push-ups in a row
Eat more healthy foods
Decrease percentage of body fat
Compete in at least 1 triathlon and as many running and cycling events as time allows.

Mental Health:
Take at least 1 day a week as Sabbath
Set priorities and stick to them
Delegate!
Spend time with each member of my family

Work:
Complete Constitution and By-Laws revision
Revise/Review all policies
Visit every member of the congregation outside of church at least 2 times.
Be regular and intentional about nursing home and home-bound visitation
Explore new methods of preaching
Build intentional foundations for all church activities and ministries (Theology of practice.)

Enjoy each day!

Well, that's what I'm hoping to accomplish in 2009. Some goals are going to be pretty easy to reach, others are going to take a lot more work. But, there's nothing on this list that I would label as "impossible." Audacious maybe. Impossible, no.

Read 50 books

In Memory

2008-11-13T14:11:00.003-06:00

I went to a funeral yesterday for Carrie and Kara Johnson, the infant granddaughters of some church members who were born way too early (only about 5 months into the pregnancy) and didn't survive. During the funeral, the pastor talked about how they had gone right from birth to heaven, and how they would have avoided any pain and difficulty here on earth that way.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't find that at all comforting. As a matter of fact, it kind of makes me angry. It stinks that these young girls never got a chance to live, that their parents never got to watch them go to prom, walk down the aisle, hold them as they sobbed over a break-up...

I can't see how I can ethically live my life waiting for heaven. There is too much joy and sorrow to be experienced here on earth. Then he (the pastor) actually said that it was "God's pleasure" to call these young girls home. What the? The God I'm getting to know isn't at all pleased that these young girls died. The God I believe in is sobbing, bawling about this tragedy.

Oh, well. I guess that someone may have found comfort in those words. Personally, I did not. I guess I need to work up some notes just in case I ever have to preside at such a tragic funeral...

Don't get me wrong, I still have great faith in God. But I'm also VERY sad that the world will never get to know those two young girls. I'm heartbroken, and that's going to take some time to heal.

Easter Living

2008-03-26T12:47:00.002-06:00

So, I was worried for no real reason. Easter came and went, and was a WONDERFUL day! Everything in the service seemed to flow well and I came out of the day energized to get some things done. I've been quite lax on my reading over the last few weeks, so I "read" an audiobook that my dad lent me the other day. I guess I can get more out of that format that I thought. So, now I have to see if there's anything interesting at our local library that I want to let my ears read.

It's only Wednesday and I've had a sermon draft for almost 24 hours already, been to Springfield twice to visit a congregation member in the hospital and I'm headed out (after a bit) to do some more visiting at the local nursing homes. My desk is fairly clear and I might actually be caught up on all the things I need to do.

I guess that means I need to resurrect my book-writing on the side. Maybe I'll have some good news to report on that in the near future.

Sunday's comin'

2008-03-19T14:33:00.002-06:00

...and right now it looks like a train. I don't remember being this behind at Easter-time last year. But for some reason I am this go around. Maybe it's because Easter is so early, because we've had so much ice and snow over the past month, because we almost floated away in the rain the past few days, or because I got a late start to the week taking some kids to the state capital for a Rotary event. Whatever the reason, I feel like I'm WAY behind on getting stuff ready.

Of course, all I really have left to do is to get a couple of short meditations written (planned for tomorrow morning) and let everyone know what's going on. It shouldn't be too big of a deal.

Maybe I'm stressed for no good reason...

I feel strangely better, now. I think I'll clean off my desk a bit and get ready for a push in the morning!

Why do I kid myself?

2008-03-12T14:47:00.002-06:00

I have noticed a theme in my blogging. Each time I write one of these here gizmos, I insinuate (or say outright) that I'm going to do so more often. But, I never do. So, I've been musing about that for a few days, weeks, months, whatever... and come to the conclusion that it is the same reason why I start journaling and then never keep it up. I have a hard time writing just for myself anymore.

It wasn't a problem when I was in high school. I would write poetry all the time to express my feelings so I wouldn't implode. So, what changed?

Well, for one, I have more ways of expressing myself now than I did in HS. But, I also think that I don't take the time to do things for myself like I once did. So, that's what I'm going to work on. Doing the things I want and need to do for myself, not worrying if they are important to (or even noticed by) everyone else. They are important for me. And more than that. I'm worth it!

Get a life....

2007-10-30T14:07:00.000-06:00

Well, if you're the CSI nut I am, and you watched the CSI:NY episode last week, you know all about Second Life. If you're not and you don't, then you may want to check out www.secondlife.com. It's a pretty cool virtual reality world. You can log on, interact with other avatars, and do just about whatever you want. And, I mean whatever you want!

If you're already signed up (it is free, unless you want to pay $$), look me up. My SL avatar is Francis Alter. (Maybe I'll tell y'all why some other time.) Or, if you haven't joined and decide to do so, please tell them I referred you (again it'll be Francis, not Alex...).

Oh, and look up the group Second Life Christian Church (DOC). We'd love to have you join our little virtual, online, faith community. I mean, why not? We'd never know who you really are anyway:-) (Unless you want to share ;-) )

More soon.... I promise....

I'm Back

2007-09-04T15:29:00.000-06:00

So, it's been 9 months to the day since I've posted on this blog. I think it's about time that I get back to it. I've been toying with the idea of posting some of my thoughts about upcoming sermons throughout the weeks, but don't know if that's the best thing I can do with the space.

I've also thought about putting up random ramblings that are heading toward my book that I want to be writing, but that defeats the purpose of writing a book. If everyone can get the same stuff for free, why buy the book? So, although some of the ideas might make it to the blog, I doubt that much of the details will.

So, we'll have to wait and see what this blog turns into over time. Your guess is as good as mine... :)

Right and Wrong

2006-12-04T11:29:00.000-06:00

OK. I'm about to break one of my own cardinal rules and talk about someone else in ministry. I almost hate to do it, but in reading this person's newsletter article, I have no choice. If I don't blog about it here I'm likely to either call him up and tell him off (wouldn't do any good) or write a nice nasty note (again, probably wouldn't matter - as you will see.) Let the rule-breaking begin.
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I must start by saying that in many ways I respect the work and wisdom of the man I am about to critique, but something about the way he comes across seems exceedingly arrogant to me and I hope that if I ever start sounding arrogant that someone will let me know!

Roger is the pastor of a fairly large and very socially active church in a nearby town/city. In his most recent church newsletter he says that "The professors who teach homiletics (preaching) tell thier students that the act of prophetic preaching is 'speaking the truth to power.' It sounds simple, but it is not. In the face of power, there are truths which we feel it necessary to avoid saying. Not because they are not true, but because the truth is inconvenient."

He then goes on to cite two examples from the political arena. First, that Saddam Hussein has been tried and convicted of crimes against the Iraqi people, but that similar "crimes" have been committed by the USA and no one is holding our political leaders accountable. His second example is the uproar caused when someone who is not a US citizen tried to contribute to a political campaign in the US. His point is that this is considered treasonous when the US often sends people to campaign in other countries.

Finally he concludes by saying the general public does not think (by quoting Hitler...) and that they may think more if preachers and journalists were not afraid to speak the truth. Then this statement, "Isn't it a shame to be considered a radical pastor for simply setting down on paper what almost everyone knows to be true? If there is any sentence in this column which is not true, please have the courage to show me which sentance or sentances contain inaccuracies."

(The whole text is available here.)

OK. I'll admit that I haven't checked your facts, Roger, but I am not going to dispute the accuracy of your statements. I am, however contesting whether or not you are following the intent of the gospel in this case. The good news, as I read it, is not a truth that is to be shouted from the rooftops, shoved down the throats of others, or perfectly clear cut. While I certainly disagree with the current political policies of my country, I understand that things are not so simple and easy as telling the truth. Because, there are nuances and experiences, beliefs and concepts that guide how each person (regardless of race, color or creed) interprets the truth.

True, as followers of Christ, we have learned that we are to tell the truth. Great. But, come on, do we have to be so darned nasty about it? What happened to telling the truth IN LOVE? If we simply try to stand outside the establishment and throw rocks at the windows, we will never get anything accomlished. The way I see it, the miracle of the Good News of Christ is that we are called to engage in dialog (not onesided rants - and yes, I know this is that as well and will be carefully considering how to voice my opinions to Roger directly now that I've been writing for a while...) and dialog cannot happen when I say, "I have the truth, you are wrong." That position naturally puts the other person on the defensive, not a good position from which to truly have an open conversation.

I take this as a warning that I, too, could fall into the trap of believing that my view is perfectly clear while another's is cloudy. I pray that I will learn from this and be better able to look for the plank in my eye before trying to remove the speck from another's eye. I know that I haven't in this post. May God help me to be better at it in the future.
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OK, now that's off my chest I feel much better. Maybe I will write Roger a nice note after all.

Blog 101

2006-12-03T16:31:00.000-06:00

I've been posting on MySpace Blogs for a while now, but this blog will be less of a personal nature, and more professional reflection. Since tomorrow will be the 6mo aniversary of my service as the Senior Pastor of a small congregation in Marshfield, Missouri, I've decided to put fingers to keyboard and record some of my experiences (edited to protect the innocent (and not so innocent)) for myself and the rest of civilization. My hope is that at some point in the future these experiences and reflections, along with the comments they generate will be helpful for other young pastors as they begin their own journey in the ministry.

Peace.